Before I took the SOL challenge my writings were for a very few . . . the very close people in my life, the people, I felt really comfortable reading what I had to say. And even then, I often did not write about things that were sad or showed the raw side of me. After all, I wanted my blog to be upbeat and inspirational.
But today, I have to write about 2 people, one little boy who was only 22 months old and a woman who was only 52 years old. Sadly, both of these people lost their fight with cancer.
I didn’t know either of these people personally, but I had a connection to them . . . not through my friends who are related to them, but because I am a cancer survivor . . . so I have a connection to them.
As a cancer survivor, each time I hear that someone loses the battle . . . the battle I am so, so fortunate to have won, a part of me relives, relives what they have gone through and it saddens me to know they were not as lucky as me.
As a cancer survivor, the “it” never goes away, never gets buried as deep as you would like because when you hear someone loses the battle the “it” comes rearing its ugly head and you remember, remember the fears, the questions, the unknowns . . . and you remember these same fears, questions and unknowns in the eyes of the people you love and who love you, and there’s a little bit of guilt knowing that others weren’t as lucky as yourself.
But then I tell myself maybe . . . it’s good, good to be reminded so that we never, ever forget to be thankful for what we have . . . and to remember to stop and smell the flowers, even when we think there’s no flowers to smell, and most important to surround ourselves with the people we love because that’s what matters most.
Lynn, thank you for sharing your inner feelings. It's not easy to "open up" and feel vulnerable by expressing your thoughts. Your post is a reminder, not only to you, but to each of us, of just how blessed we are. Is it fair that one person survives while others die? No, it probably isn't, but it's out of our control and in God's hands. He has a purpose for each of us.
ReplyDeleteEach day that we have it a blessing and you are a blessing to family, friends, fellow bloggers and the kids you teach. That's what is important.
Wow. Goosebumps all over. Unfortunately, the "it" will always be there, but the reminder that you are a fighter, a survivor, is what continues to give you strength.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing.
Thank you so much for your kind words and sharing this story. It was a tear-jerker. But promise me you won't feel guilty anymore, or if you do just go out and live life for those who can't. That is the best way to give back.
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